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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  April 2, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EDT

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jennifer garner. from "silicon valley," actor and comedian thomas middleditch. star of nbc's "heartbeat," melissa george. featuring the 8g band with matt cameron. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. in that case, let's get to the news. today is st. patrick's day, which commemorates the time when st. patrick drove all the drunks out of new jersey and into manhattan. [ laughter ] today is st. patrick's day,
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lot of people will be doing the walk of seamus. [ laughter ] a new poll has found that half of women in the u.s. say they have a very unfavorable view of donald trump. of course, only one woman has the most unfavorable view. [ laughter and applause ] a new study shows that donald trump's speeches are only at a seventh grade reading level, which is kind of a burn on trump, but a huge burn on "flowers for algernon." [ laughter and applause ] it was reported yesterday that an op-ed written by donald trump seems to have been blatantly plagiarized from an article written by dr. ben carson days before. people first became suspicious when trump's op-ed began, "as a black doctor - - " [ laughter and applause ] mcdonalds is currently selling
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in honor of st. patrick's day. so, look for them at mcdonald's today and all over subway platforms tomorrow. a team of computer scientists have developed a new algorithm that can detect when people are posting on twitter while drunk. though us non-scientists can usually tell, too. [ laughter and applause ] a michigan woman was arrested this week after she bit a wal-mart employee who tried to stop her from shoplifting. luckily the other employees were experienced in dealing with wal-mart customers and quickly sucked the venom out. [ laughter ] experts are projecting the search term "leprechaun" on porn sites will rise by over 8,000% today. whereas people who were looking for leprechaun porn yesterday are a bunch of sick weirdos. [ laughter and applause ] recent findings suggest that
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cells against alzheimer's and other brain diseases. that way you will be able to remember every detail of your massive heart attack. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, a doctor in the uk yesterday admitted misconduct charges after he accidently performed a vasectomy on the wrong patient. apparently the patient was pretty upset when she woke up. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience ohs ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a fantastic show for you tonight. she is the star of the new film "miracles from heaven" and an absolute delight. jennifer garner is on the show. [ cheers and applause ] we have a personal favorite of ours here at "late night." from hbo's "silicon valley," thomas middleditch. the very funny thomas middleditch. [ cheers and applause ] also, from the new nbc show, "heartbeat," melissa george will be joining us tonight. looking forward to talking to her. [ cheers and applause ] so, i had a very exciting morning. my wife and i are expecting our first child very soon. [ cheers and applause ]
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thank you. i will pass that along to her because she's the one who deserves your applause. we went on a hospital tour this morning, which is very exciting, and i was in a very good mood as i was then walng to the office. i had a real lift in my step. and it was very crowded on the streets because a lot of the streets were blocked off for the parade. and i was going to cross a crosswalk and there was a police officer standing there making sure cars did not turn on to that street. and i knew i shouldn't have done it. but instead of going with everybody else, i just tried to like go right in front of the police officer because i was moving pretty fast because i'm on the go. and unfortunately -- so, as i'm coming this way, the police officer sees a car who is trying to turn this way and just goes, "no!" and just karate chops me across the chest. and caught me way off guard, to the point that i made this noise -- [ gasps ] and new york's a very loud city, but everyone looked.
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[ laughter ] and then i looked at the police officer and he had no intention of apologizing to me, so then i apologized to him. i'm so sorry that your arm hit me at full speed. and it's very embarrassing to get punched by a cop on st. patrick's day for that. [ laughter ] for just not like following pedestrian rules. but, anyways, still in a great mood about having a baby. not going to let that ruin that. anyway, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] moving on, a strict new voter id law in north carolina went into effect for the first time tuesday. the law is just the latest in a series of controversial new voting restrictions across the country that could make it harder for millions of people to participate in this year's presidential election. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: first off, it's important to know
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among the lowest in the industrialized world. turn out in the 2012 presidential election, was just 53.6% compared to 87% in belgium, 86% in turkey and 82% in sweden. and in sweden, you have to put the voting booth together yourself. [ laughter and applause ] and yet, lawmakers and republican controlled legislatures across the country have been trying to make it harder, not easier to vote. since the 2010 election, 21 states have new laws making it harder to vote. and 15 states will have them in place for the first time in the presidential election. the law in north carolina is just the latest example. it requires voters to obtain one of a select few forms of id to vote. and by at least one estimate, the law could block as many as 218,000 registered voters from going to the polls. that's a huge deal. in 2008 barack obama won by north carolina by just over 14,000 votes. 218,000 votes could literally be the difference between president hillary clinton and glorious, belovead
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all praise to him and his magnificent hands. now one of the big problems with the law is how arduous it is for some people, especially, low income residents and people of color to obtain photo id. for example, a 94-year-old woman in north carolina described how she had to make ten trips to the dmv, drive 200 miles and spend more than 20 hours to obtain one of the required forms of voter identification. and if you want to know what ten trips to the dmv does to a person, just look at the people who work there. and 94-year-old's -- 94-year-olds are not committing voter fraud. old people don't pull scams, they get scammed. 94 is a terrible age to start a long con. first, i'll get a democrat elected, and then, oh, i die. [ laughter ] so, why are lawmakers doing this? they claim it's to prevent voter impersonation fraud. but, even the politicians who support these laws like republican north carolina state representative david lewis admit they don't have any evidence that voter fra
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>> how many documented verified instances of voter fraud in the last five years do you know about? >> we don't know if -- how widespread that may be or may not be. >> seth: don't prescribe a solution to a problem you're not sure exists. that's like saying we're not sure you're going to be on "the bachelor" but you should start taking valtrex anyway. or shaving your cat just in case it has fleas. in fact, a 2014 study found that such fraud is so rare, there have been only 31 credible cases since the year 2000, out of more than one billion votes cast. the overreaction to this total non-problem has been so insane, that one 86- year-old who has been voting since the eisenhower era could not obtain proper id, despite presenting her expired new hampshire drivers license, two different birth certificates, a social security card, a medicare card and her apartment lease, because the name on her birth certificate
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perfectly match the name on her current document reba m. bowser, follwing her marriage in 1950. i guess reba should have listened to her mother when she said, "if you marry that bowser boy you are going to regret it one day." [ laughter ] and north carolina is not alone going out of its way to make voting more difficult for students, low income people and people of color. in alabama, the republican controlled legislature passed a voter i.d. law making it illegal to vote in alabama without a government issued photo id. and then last year, the state closed dmv offices in a number of rural counties, which critics said could disenfranchise alabama's poor, elderly, disabled and black communities. alabama's secretary of state john merrill promised to make up for the closures by sending mobile units to those counties to give out ids to the 250,000 eligible voters who didn't have them. but, in an interview last year he revealed just how many of those 250,000 they actually reached. >> we are sending that mobile unit to each and every county, and making sure everybody has an
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county seat to register to vote, and we are sending them to festivals. we're sending them to schools. we're sending them to churches. we're going on saturdays and sundays, we're sending them to wal-mart. >> let me ask you this. that mobile unit how many ids has that mobile unit issued this year? >> that mobile unit has only issued 29 ids this year. >> seth: we're sending them to empty lots. we're sending them to swamps. we're sending them to abandoned mine shafts. we're sending them to radio shacks, a lot of people at radio shack. [ laughter ] when asked why the registration effect effort has been so unsuccessful, merrill said, quote, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." even worse, in order to drink the water, the horse had to get a valid drivers license. [ laughter ] these laws have the potential to disenfranchise millions of people in this year's presidential election. we should be making it more difficult for people to vote, especially old people who had to fight for that right in the first place. this has been "a cr
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i have asthma... of many pieces in my life. so when my asthma symptoms kept coming back on my long-term control medicine, i talked to my doctor and found a missing piece in my asthma treatment. once-daily breo prevents asthma symptoms. breo is for adults with asthma not well controlled on a long-term asthma control medicine, like an inhaled corticosteroid. breo won't replace a rescue inhaler for sudden breathing problems. breo opens up airways to help improve breathing for a full 24 hours. breo contains a type of medicine that increases the risk of death from asthma problems and may increase the risk of hospitalization in children and adolescents. breo is not for people whose asthma is well controlled on a long-term asthma control medicine, like an inhaled corticosteroid. once your asthma is well controlled,
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band over there! [ cheers and applause ] also, we've been fortunate enough all week to have the drummer from not one, but two iconic rock bands. from pearl jam and soundgarden, matt cameron, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] matt also has yet another band he's part of, ten commandos. you can get their debut self-titled album now, and be sure to catch matt out on tour with pearl jam, beginning april 8th in ft. lauderdale. thank you so much for a great week, matt. [ cheers and applause ] now, we here at "late night," have a team of loyal researchers, statisticians, and pollsters, all of whom work very hard to bring you a little segment we like to call, "this week in numbers." ♪ [ applause ] >> seth: let's get started. 22, the age justin bieber turned recently. 12, the age justin bieber's mustache turned recently. [ laughter and applause ] 19, the number of states donald trump has won so far. 57, the number of states he
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[ laughter ] 350, the percent spike in americans googling, "how can i move to canada after trump's super tuesday victory?" 350, the percent spike in canadians googling, "how can we move canada after trump's super tuesday victory?" [ laughter and applause ] 12, the number of threes steph curry nailed this week. also 12, the number of tens leonardo dicaprio nailed this week. [ cheers and applause ] we're guessing. .35, the number of ounces in this container of vaseline lip balm. 14, the number of containers of vaseline lip balm needed for steven tyler's lips. [ laughter and applause ] 777, the number of delegates hillary clinton needs to win to in order to become the democratic nominee. 12,345,241, the number of times hillary has refreshed the delegate count page on [ laughter and applause ]
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[ laughter ] one, the number of glasses of wine to per day needed to maintain a healthy heart. three, the number of glasses of wine per day needed to maintain a healthy sense of contempt for your ex-boyfriend as you scroll through his facebook page. [ applause ] 5.5, the average number of grandchildren a grandparent has. 5.5, the years it feels like since one of them called. [ crowd oh's ] oh, come on. she looks like a bummer. [ laughter ] nine. move on. nine, the number of levels of consciousness there are according to buddhism. zero, the number of levels of consciousness there are according to ben carson. [ laughter and applause ] 29 million, the number of dollars in osama bin laden's will that he left to go to jihad. 30 million, the number of dollars left to his cat, mittens bin laden. [ laughter ] 22 million, thou
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selling his cars at auction. five, the number of minutes jerry seinfeld probably has on auctions, which might go something like this, "what's the deal with the auction paddle?" [ laughter ] "who was it that saw millionaires buying fine art and said, 'you what this means? ping-pong equipment.' and was there really a problem with just using the finger? the finger bid in an auction had dignity. you can consider your bid, then raise the finger!" [ laughter ] "there's no dignity with the paddle!" [ laughter ] "no one who's ever buying a picasso should have to also have a paddle! and now, the auctioneer just has to yell out the number on a paddle! it used to be more fun, because the auctioneer would have to describe the person! '$1 million to the man in the top hat! $2 million to the woman in the pearl earrings! $3 million to the man in the bib eating a lobster!' of course, there was one problem with the finger bid! the accidental finger!" [ laughter ] "how many paintings over the years have been sold to a man who scratched his nose or tried to get another glass of wine?
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every time that happened, he thought, 'i wish i had a paddle!'" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and finally, 17. the date in march of st. patrick's day. [ cheers ] six, the percent irish you are. [ laughter ] 200, the percent irish you're dressed as. [ laughter ] one, the number of beers you said you'd drink on st. patrick's day. nine, the number of beers you drank before noon. [ laughter ] two, the number of digits missing from the number that girl gave you. [ laughter ] 12, more beers. [ laughter ] one, the number of police horses you think are begging for a fight. [ laughter ] four, the number of times you asked that horse, "do you have a problem with me?" [ laughter ] 150, the number of hours of community service you are sentenced to for punching a horse. [ laughter ] and finally, one, the number of years before you make this
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this has been "this week in numbers." we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ trolling for a gig with braindrone? can't blame you. it's a drone you control with your brain, which controls your thumbs, which control this joystick. no, i'm actually over at the ge booth. we're creating the operating system for industry. it's called predix. it's gonna change the way the world works. ok, i'm telling my brain to tell the drone to get you a copy of my resume. umm, maybe keep your hands on the controller. look out!! ohhhhhhhhhh... you know what, i'm just gonna email it to you. yeah that's probably safer. ok, cool. i think about where i've been. i consider the flavors... and then, i bring them together to create something new. blue moon.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our first guest tonight is a golden globe winning actress who you know from the hit show "alias" and from the film "13 going on 30" and "dallas buyer's club." her latest project, "miracles from heaven," is in theaters now. let's take a look. >> this is our fourth time here. >> this isn't acid reflux. her throat's sore 'cause she's been throwing up for weeks. >> well, ma'am i'm the doctor and that's my diagnosis. so, if you'll excuse me, i have other patients i need to see. >> excuse me, this is not acid reflux. she's not lactose intolerant. there's something wrong with our little girl.
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>> no, you calm down. you find me another doctor. you run so more tests. i'm not leaving this hospital until i know what's wrong with my daughter! >> seth: please welcome to the show, jennifer garner. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> look at you here. >> seth: it's always so nice to see you. >> so nice to see you. >> seth: so, congrats on the film. this is based on a "new york times" best-selling book. >> yes. i'm sorry. >> seth: oh, did you do that? >> yeah. i did. sorry. >> seth: okay, good. i'm so glad that's not food from this morning. >> i know i don't want that. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's eggs? oh, no. if it's eggs it's from this morning. >> yes. it just hit the "new york times" best selling list yesterday. number five. >> seth: that's very exciting. >> that's really exciting. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's great. >> yeah. >> seth: and so -- and was this a book that you knew of before the film? >> no. it's actually the fastest turnover from book to movie i
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i could be wrong, don't quote me on that. but it wasn't even out when i read the script. or if it was it was just at the beginning. >> seth: well that's exciting. >> yeah. >> seth: it must be nice to be involved in a property so quickly like that. >> it is. and the girl in the book is now just a couple years older so it feels all very current to the family. >> seth: that's exciting. now you of course are also, you play mother in the film, obviously. you're a mother in real life. >> i am. >> seth: i'm about to become a father. was there any advice you got or is there any advice you wish someone had given to you before you had your first? >> um, gosh, everyone gives you so much advice, right? >> seth: there's a lot of unsolicited advice. [ laughter ] >> there are a lot of experts out there. >> seth: yes. >> and as much as you think that you -- okay, i'm gonna follow what this person says, i'm gonna follow what that person says, i'm gonna read this book, and i'm gonna have this birth plan. it's not up to you, dude. [ laughter ] >> seth: did you read all the books? >> i did it all. but it doesn't matter. let it go. don't worry about it. you're gonna struggle, it's going to suck, just like for everyone else. >> seth: okay, great. [ laughter ]
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>> seth: based on what you told me, i could go back to my wife, who has just been piling up a stack of books for me, and say, "look, this doesn't matter." >> she can't help it. god bless her, she cannot help it. >> seth: yeah. >> you do not say that to her. >> seth: okay, cool. >> do not say that to her. >> seth: i've pretty much stopped saying anything to her. [ laughter ] >> yes. great, yes. >> seth: yeah. >> very -- yeah, i'm so glad you mentioned that. i would never do that to you. >> seth: okay. >> no. treat this with caution. you know. >> seth: yes. >> be very, very careful. just know in your head, this is all gonna go to hell in a hand basket. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] we're getting closer because my wife has had this real blissful arc. but we are getting closer and she's becoming a bit more uncomfortable. and i forgot to fill up the humidifier the other night. and it's the closest we've come to getting a divorce. [ laughter ] >> you shouldn't have just said that on tv. >> seth: no, she'll be happy. >> you know what, it's dangerous. right now you should just ix-nay on ife-way ory-stays. you know what i mean? >> seth: by the way i love that you think that she's watching this show. [ laughter and applause ] i love that you think that this is part of herti
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>> i understand, i really understand. >> seth: i want to ask you about the show, "alias" that you did. and we have two "alias" people on the show tonight, because melissa was also on. >> i know. oh, i wish melissa was right here with me. >> seth: i'm so sorry. >> we could do it together. >> seth: we could do it together, except i don't know if she'd make it out on time. how did that -- so you had done "felicity" with j.j. >> i had done "felicity" with j.j. >> seth: which is very different than "alias." >> so different. i had never done anything like "alias." i had never even imagined doing anything like "alias" at the time. i'd never been in a fight certainly, except with my sisters. [ light laughter ] and j.j. said to me, "i've written this story with you in mind, this script, but you have to audition for it." and i said, "of course, of course. i mean, of course i'll audition for it." so it was five auditions. and each one -- each audition was about an hour long. and he would take me from crime scenes to this scene. so he said, "you're gonna need to learn how to fight." and he said, "can you do that?" and i said, "yeah. yeah." [ laughter ] and it was before the internet, really. >> seth: yeah. >> i mean, i guess it existed,
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internet, no one had any reason to fight. [ laughter ] >> yes. but i didn't know how to look up somebody to teach me to -- i mean i just used the yellow pages. >> seth: right. >> and i went to the person with the biggest ad. i called them up and said, "can you teach me to fight?" >> seth: uh-huh. >> then i went to see him every day and he -- at one point i remember -- >> seth: what sort of, so he was like a -- >> he was a karate -- i guess. i mean, i guess. >> seth: you were obviously a great student. [ laughter ] >> he was so hard core that at one point, he put me in the splits, you know. and he sat on me. and i said, master -- >> seth: he sat on your shoulders? >> yeah, he kinda sat on my back to force me into -- i said you're gonna pull my muscles. you're gonna -- he just was -- he said to me, "water flows down." meaning, i tell you what you're gonna do. >> seth: wow. >> it was such like a karate kid moment. >> seth: it's obvious his career only flourished in a time before yelp reviews. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> seth: i think once the internet started people said, "this guy is definitely, might not know fully what he's talking about.
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you're right. >> seth: you were so kick ass on that show. >> oh, thank you. >> seth: but yet, from your early career, it maybe would not have been easy to predict how kick ass you would be in "alias." so you were full marching band, yes? >> absolutely. >> seth: and this -- you don't -- >> oh. >> seth: look at that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. yes. >> seth: did you -- so you were saxophone? >> b flat alto saxophone. this is sally right here. >> seth: okay. >> this is the john adams junior high marching band. >> seth: i'm sorry, is sally the name of the saxophone? >> yes. >> seth: okay, well -- [ laughter ] there are people in the photo as well. >> i mean, sally the sexy saxophone but you can call her sally if you want. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> okay? >> seth: sure. >> that's dave foster. >> seth: okay. >> he was a trumpet. oh, maybe that's not -- yep. nope, yep, there he is. >> seth: okay. >> so anyway, yes, this is parade formation. clearly, i'm breaking parade formation to wave to my mom or something. >> seth: yeah. >> but you always -- >> seth: would you get punished for that if you got caught? >> yeah. >> seth: really? >> yeah. >> seth: what was band
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>> you had to stand at attention. and you had to -- you know when you walk in a parade you have to really smoothly go heel-toe? >> seth: i did not. >> did you not? because you don't want to jostle your instrument. >> seth: sure, sure, okay. >> you know what i'm saying? >> seth: obviously so it's real -- >> right. >> seth: yeah. >> so you have to go a smooth heel-toe, so you want a steady gate. >> seth: yep, okay. >> you wanna key off of the person to your right, 'cause you want a straight line. >> seth: yep. >> right? >> seth: yes. >> okay. and then you walk like this at rest. which i was clearly at rest. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and then when the person in front does whatever, goes like that. you go --e >> seth: okay. >> all at once. you cannot mess around. it's got to be -- [ laughter ] >> seth: and i will say, when i watch marching bands, i'm very impressed by the precision. and this does not come easily. there's a lot of repetition. >> absolutely not. you go to band camp. >> seth: uh-huh. >> you stand in the sun and you practice marching at the same -- you know, everyone has to have the same steady level of gate. and it's not easy, seth. >> seth: i didn't say it was, jennifer. [ laughter ] and i resent that you did. and now, where ill
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>> well, i lost her. >> seth: okay, well. [ laughter ] >> but i don't know where she is. >> seth: that's okay. >> yeah. >> seth: obviously you cared about her very deeply. >> i did, yep. [ laughter ] >> seth: you know where your kids are, all three of them, yes? >> in theory. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: always so great to see you. jennifer garner, everybody. "miracles from heaven" is in theaters now. we'll be right back with thomas middleditch. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is an actor and comedian who stars in the golden globe-nominated series "silicon valley," which returns april 24th on hbo. you can also see him in the film, "the bronze," which is in theaters this friday. let's take a look. >> is it true that -- that you tape down your breasts? ♪ >> who told you that? matt from -- >> no, no. >> carl from the bark? >> no. >> gas station dan? >> no. >> the rotor-rooter guy? >> no. >> stacy from quzinos? >> [ bleep ] no. god, stop. that's a list. no. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our friend, thomas middleditch. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> after all that, i just like missed the chair. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] big entrance and then totally duffed the chair. >> yeah. >> seth: it's always great to see you. >> great to see you, too. >> seth: congrats on the film. >> thank you. congrats on -- i hear you're pregnant. >> seth: mm-hmm. [ laughter ] >> so that's great. >> seth: thank you. >> let's hope it comes out the front hole for you. [ laughter ] i mean to say i hope a baby comes out of your penis, seth. you pervert! >> seth: now, hey, don't put it on me. you shot this movie in ohio. your wife worked on the movie as well in the wardrobe department. >> yeah. yeah. >> seth: and so you guys took a vacation where all lovers go. >> yeah. ohio. >> seth: you went to amish country. >> well, yeah. first, you know, first we took a stop at cedar point, the greatest roller coaster attraction in north america. [ cheers and applause ] and then we did -- yeah. we find ourselves having a passion for, a real zeal, for like what we call like grandmother's buttons vacation. [ laughter ]
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>> seth: explain a grandmother's buttons vacation. >> well, we go to amish country, we stay at like a bed and breakfast. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and like get up at 8:00 a.m. with the other people staying at the bed and breakfast to like have their homemade jams and butters. [ laughter ] are you going to the fair today? yes we are. we are going to the fair. we knew we were in amish country when like we were going down the town, going down the town. we're going down on the town. [ laughter ] we're driving into town and like a buggy, a horse and buggy was next to us and cruised past us, overtaking us downhill. like those dudes rage. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] they rock. >> they rock and roll. >> seth: they rock, roll and rage. >> yeah. >> seth: but you had a good time overall? >> had a great time. it was our own personal rum springer. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> and we went there for the fourth of july. they have fireworks. >> seth: oh, they do? >> so i know that was burning in everyone's mind. do they have fireworks? answer is yes. >> seth: good ones?
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>> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's fine. >> pretty decent ones. >> seth: pretty decent, that's all right. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: i want to ask you about this 'cause we -- i first met you in chicago. you did one of the second city -- the famous theater, second city. they also would have touring groups go on boats, on cruise ships. >> yeah. >> seth: you were on one of the cruise ships. >> yeah. they have a deal with norwegian cruise lines. so if you're on one of their main ships you'll see a second city show. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and it was super fun. i love doing it. but it is a bizarre life. you're like at sea -- we have short contracts for four months. >> seth: yeah. >> and most contracts are like six months a year. and you're just at sea. and it's not terrible. i mean, you're on like a floating hotel, but you can't escape. so it is like a luxury prison. >> seth: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> and there's all these different like statuses. we had like -- kinda like, i don't know we had something called blue card status, so you're kinda like you can do anything you want except get caught, you know, doing drugs. >>h:
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>> not that i run the risk of that. >> seth: blue card can't get you out of drug offenses. >> no, no. >> seth: okay. >> i did have to dump all my black tar heroin over the side of the -- [ laughter ] and then -- i love black tar heroin. [ laughter ] can't get enough black tar heroin. i think people who use black tar heroin call it black tar heroin all the time. >> seth: yeah. they are the one drug user that's like we don't want a slang term. >> yeah. >> seth: we just want to call it what it is. >> please sir, i prefer the term -- no, okay. this has gone too long. and yeah, you know, there's all kind of debaucherous stories. it's too -- it's too debaucherous even to allude to. >> seth: wow. >> i'm married, happily so. >> seth: gotcha. >> she's watching. >> seth: all right. so we're going to leave it at that. >> yeah. hey, man, don't talk about it. >> seth: got it. >> i like how you're like, "hey, talk about this thing." i'm like, "no." >> seth: i like that you led us to the most interesting point and then jumped off. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'll talk about it a little. and then the murderer entered, but i don't have time to get to that part. >> well, i mean, a friend of mine, you know, met a passenger
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in nassau and rented a hotel. and she was an older woman, i think married at the time. and you know, they engaged in all kind of things. you know, including pouring the margarita on a weiner. >> seth: oh wow. [ laughter ] is that erotic? i've never thought, pour a margarita on it! [ laughter ] >> put a margarita on it. put a margarita on it. so, what do you want to do tonight? put a margarita -- i call it the margarita. >> seth: 'cause then you're gonna run out of fingers. >> put a margarita on it. okay. >> seth: yep. yep. there we go. is it frederick? frederick? >> frederick. >> seth: frederick. >> yeah. >> seth: so talk about frederick because you shoot last season "silicon valley," and so you sort of gifted fans with this character of yours, frederick.
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>> seth: and how would you describe frederick? and where did you get the idea? >> okay. well, okay, i got the idea for frederick the german comedian because in l.a. there's this college radio station called kxlu, and they play super weird stuff and very random stuff. and they played a really catchy song. i was like, what the heck is it? and it's called "der computer nr 3." >> seth: okay. computer number three. yeah. >> yeah. if you can decipher it. by france gall, she's like a french singer, but this was her german hit. and she came up with it in the '60s. do we have -- >> seth: yeah, we have the clip. >> so i saw -- i was like, what is this? looked it up. found the youtube, not a music video, it's her at like a songwriting competition in front of what only can be described as east germany citizens. >> seth: okay. >> 'cause they are so dour. you'll see. >> seth: let's take a look. ♪
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♪ [ laughter ] ♪ >> seth: that's just awful. >> that is -- >> seth: i realize people could be thinking like did they edit that? you know, for comedy. that is what is happening. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. and the director was in a booth going take one. take camera two. >> yeah. and she's like this pretty, you know, cute girl singing this very catchy song and no movement whatsoever just like stoic listening. >> seth: and so this created frederick, your dry, german comedian. >> yeah. and now he's kind of like he's got that really wacky sense of german humor. you know. >> seth: okay. >> the germans known for their comedy. >> seth: all right. >> and he'll do -- and it's on instagram @tombini. >> seth: okay. >> well, you know. yeah. >> seth: let's show real quick an example of frederick. >> oh, yeah. >> let's play a little prank on the lighting department, shall we? let's se t
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good-bye cruel world. just kidding. i would never. and also they don't work like that. it won't turn on. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, so now we get it. >> german rationalism will kick in and be like it's only a joke. >> seth: yeah at some point they have to tell you explain the bit. >> yeah. so it's just passing the time on set. it's like i'm like in half richard garb. so, it's pretty easy, doing you know, observational prank, maybe some prop comedy. this one. here let's do this. >> seth: okay. >> i don't need to take this out. >> seth: okay. >> i can just do this. oh, wow. which camera? i'll do it right to a camera. >> yeah, yeah, let's do it. it's right there. it's over. camera two. >> okay. imagine if this microphone didn't play here in the theater, but it played directly into your brain. that would be quite inconvenient. [ light laughter ]
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>> seth: that was really good. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> you always have to end with -- no smile. >> seth: what should i try it with? >> anything you want. yeah. i mean, do the coffee mug. >> seth: okay. >> any type of prop comedy. >> seth: okay. i hope this doesn't have something other than water in it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: pretty good, right. >> that's a fame home run. >> seth: thanks for being back, buddy. >> of course. >> seth: it's always great to see you. >> thanks or having me. >> seth: thomas middleditch, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the thrid season of "silicon valley" premieres april 24th on hbo. "the bronze" is in theaters this friday. we'll be back with melissa george. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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"late night," everybody. our next guest is a golden globe-nominated actress who stars in the upcoming medical drama, "heartbeat," which premieres march 23rd on nbc. let's take a look. >> what's the ptt? >> 36. >> too low. >> tell me the donor is cleared, and get me that heart. >> right away, doctor. >> callahan, bag her. >> hey! what are you doing? >> i want to do a heterotopic transplant. >> what? don't we all? that's not going to happen. >> her pulmonary pressures are too high. if i do an orthotopic transplant the donor heart will fail. it won't be able to pump against that kind of pressure. i can do this. >> alex, there are four doctors in the world who know how to do this operation. >> i'll be five. >> seth: please welcome to the show, melissa george. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> hi, how are you? >> seth: i'm good, welcome. >> t y
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the clip there, you play a heart surgeon. >> i do. >> seth: and you did the research. you actually went and watched a heart operation, yes? >> i did. i scrubbed in an operation in paris. and i put i was just there to watch, you know, just to have a conversation have a conversation with the doctor. and i walk in and i see a man, 70 years old, under the sheet, ready to be cut open. >> seth: now, see, i would get lost. >> oh, no, there was a specialist there, and i said, "what are you doing here?" it was all in french, by the way. >> seth: okay. >> and she said, "i'm just here if you fall." >> seth: oh, wow. >> "if you pass out." >> seth: because they thought that you maybe would get queasy, which makes a lot of sense. >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> seth: so you stayed and watched an entire heart procedure? >> i stayed and watched the whole thing, and it was about seven, eight hours long. >> seth: oh, my god. >> you know, we cut him open. i saw the beating heart. >> seth: i feel like in america, you're not allowed to just have an actor in the room. >> oh, no -- [ laughter ] >> seth: i feel like that's a french thing. "would you like an actor in the room to watch?" [ laughter ] >> when he woke up, the guy was like -- they told him, you know, that i was there watching him. he was very happy, but it was crazy. i just remember watching all of
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>> seth: no. [ laughter ] >> it made me so hungry. >> seth: oh, no. you're hannibal lecter. [ laughter ] >> i just wanted to eat like -- i mean, it was seven hours long. i'm looking around, like, "is there any hamburgers here?" >> seth: yeah, oh, my goodness. >> yeah, it was great. >> seth: well, you learned a lot. you learned more about yourself than the guy who got the surgery did, i think. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: and is it true that you had to go to a fashion show directly after you saw seven hours of surgery? >> yeah, so they're cutting him open, and bone dust is just going everywhere. it's in my eyebrows. it's on my face. it's everywhere and i just kept -- >> seth: bone dust is very in. >> it is very in. [ laughter ] >> seth: when you can bone dust yourself, legally, it's a very hot look right now. [ laughter ] >> so, i got home and had to shower to get the bone dust out of my eyes because i had the christian dior fashion show. >> seth: oh, my goodness. >> and i'm sitting there in the front row, looking at everyone's hot, underneath their shirt, going, "i know exactly what you look like inside." >> seth: "you're all the same. you could dress up as much as much as you want, all your insides look the same." >> you all look the same. >> seth: you had a very exciting si
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john kerry stopped by. how does someone like john kerry end up on the set of your show? >> well, you know, we have ron meyer and kelly meyer. they were producing the show. and there's the man, himself. >> seth: now, i feel that almost more interesting is the fact that there's a monkey on your set. [ laughter ] >> actually, this is a chimpanzee. chimps eat monkeys. >> seth: oh, chimps eat monkeys? >> yeah, so we're not allowed to call it a monkey. >> seth: really? >> no, it's a chimp. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> and he was very -- in case you needed to know. >> seth: right. >> so we -- he was very, very -- he was spitting a lot. and i said to the trainer -- >> seth: that's right. john kerry or the monkey? >> john kerry was spitting. [ laughter ] so, the chimpanzee was spitting a lot. i said to the trainer, "what's wrong?" and the trainer just said, "he's bored." >> seth: that's it? >> yeah, john kerry was talking a lot. and we were all just there. >> seth: and the chimp just started spitting? >> and the chimp was spitting, and he was bored. [ laughter ] >> seth: wow. i will admit, that's where the chimpanzee has the advantage over the human when john kerry is talking. [ laughter ] you, obviously, playing a heart surgeon, that's a high-pressure
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you know pressure, though. is it true in that in your younger days, you were a competitive roller skater? >> i was a very -- yes. i was second in the junior worlds, in the national titles as well, for artistic roller skating. [ applause ] >> seth: artistic roller skating? >> thank you. >> seth: so, it's sort of -- >> we don't go straight. we don't go straight. >> seth: okay. >> we do tricks. >> seth: so figure skating, but on roller skating? >> figure skating with costumes, and my mother would speak when all the little -- you know. >> seth: cue a song of your choice, and you would do a routine? >> yes, but no lyrics. just, you know, music. >> seth: of course. >> and, i came second, and i was very upset about that. >> seth: oh, so you're competitive. did you find out why -- >> yeah. there's a picture of me on the podium. when i come first, and i'm super elated, and then, there's like, when i come in second, i'm like this, you know, like -- >> seth: really, so you're a bad sport? >> i am a bad sport. [ laughter ] >> seth: what was -- >> i'm sorry. i wanted to win. >> seth: what made you get out of the roller skating game? >> well, i came second, and the reason i came second was because my leotard was -- i did, like, a special trick. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and my leotard went up my front bottom -- >> seth: okay. >> and back bottom at the same time.
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[ laughter ] >> i double-wedgied myself. >> seth: and that is something that the judges can deduct points for? >> this woman, one of the judges, was most upset about my double wedgie. >> seth: really? >> and i got points deducted, and i came second. >> seth: and then you just walked away from it? >> so i walked away and became an actress. >> seth: there you go. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and now, everything's allowed. >> i can have wedgies. >> seth: you can have anything you want. >> i can have any wedgie i want. >> seth: well, congratulations on the show. i'm looking forward to the premiere. >> thank you. >> seth: thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. >> seth: melissa george, everybody! "heartbeat" premieres march 23rd on nbc. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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is that coffee? yea, it's nespresso. i want in. ♪ you're ready. ♪ get ready to experience a cup above. is that coffee? nespresso. what else?
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to jennifer garner, thomas middledich. melissa george everybody. matt cameron, thank you so much. and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: hey, what's up, everybody? you're watching "last call" with me, carson daly. thank you so much. tonight from sky room here in new york cy we've got a good one for you.


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